Monday, August 13, 2012

And Then We'll Understand We Held Gold Dust In Our Hands

It seems to me that time is racing. I realized recently that my oldest child was a wee kindergartner when we moved back to my hometown. She entered high school this year as a freshman.

As I watched her saunter off (yes, she totally sauntered, that girl o' mine owns every bit of herself, a fact that THRILLS and SCARES me) down to the bus stop this morning I had a flash of what is to come. All those life changing events that lie in her near future, mine too, only this time I'll be the parent in the scenario. The heavy, the wet blanket on her wild eyed fun. Oh boy.

Yesterday at church one of the older gentleman and I were having a conversation when my darling daughter sauntered (she does it often) by on her way to the water fountain. He stopped what he was originally saying to comment on the seemingly sudden transformation of my daughter. He said the words "grown up". I, of course, held back tears and I'm sure Miss Teeny Bopper was annoyed overhearing us discuss her. She is fourteen after all, what would her life be without eye rolling and snarled lips and an air of condescension?

The older gentlemen are not the only ones who have taken notice to her maturation. The young ones are starting to come round so to speak. First there's her boyfriend, a term I do not appreciate. It's not that I mind him, he's nice enough. He talks to me and the boys. He's in the same grade as my little dear, in the band, and has that same dorky personality that she has. He's alright, in fact the only thing I have against him is that he's her boyfriend.

I wish it would stop there but it's growing. I met the first of many just last week. A sophomore boy in her World Geography class who has declared her his "freshman buddy". I didn't like the looks of him because if I was 14 I would very much like the looks of him. He's in a band, a real band, that plays real gigs. He's not really dorky cool, he's just cool. He's a skateboarder. Let me interject at this point that boyfriend doesn't like this new buddy too much. And so it begins.

I'm genuinely frightened. This is all new territory for me. Yes, I'm awesome but when I was a freshman, I was totally unaware of it. I was scared to death. My goal was to get through high school unnoticed. My progeny, however enjoys attention, thrives on it. She wants to be involved in anything and everything. She's on the dance team. She told me this morning she's going to join the student council. (WHAT???) The pep club goes without saying. She considered cheer leading but thank goodness the dance team won out on that one. Let's not forget the drama club. She's also been chattering about an upcoming winter dance. I just don't think I'm ready to shop for formal dresses with her. Weren't we just buying a nap mat for kindergarten??

I'm trying to overcome my fears or at least hide them. High school was not fun for me. I want so desperately for her to have a different experience. I want her to look back on these next four years and smile. I want to enjoy it too because after that who knows where she'll be and who will be her buddies and if she'll even care to introduce me to them. This time is flying by, slipping through my fingers like dust, gold dust, sparkling as it flies away.

1 comment:

raggedaroundtheedges said...

You are a wonderful mother, you know that, right? I can see it in each and every word. . . and how you talk about her. Tears in my eyes.