Yesterday I purchased some new eyeshadow in a fit of retail therapy. As I was applying the new shade this morning I thought to myself, "Why have I been scared of trying new makeup for so long?" This thought immediately gave way to another, that is "why have I been scared of so many things for so long?"
I don't think that I strike many people as someone who is scared. Perhaps I am good at faking it. I don't know. I must confess though, that so many things frighten me to the core. I've gotten pretty good at taking a deep breath and continuing to put one foot in front of the other because there are things that just have to be done and often I am the only one to do them. It takes effort and the fear and the awkwardness remain. I'm tired of being scared.
I have always heard that fear will steal the joy of life. However, I do not believe that fear is a thief. It can't really take anything that is not given to it freely. It's just an excuse, one that I do not want to make for myself anymore. I am nearing the end of a long journey of hard work and self examination. I am scared to death of the next several steps. There is a life ahead of me that is full of so many things that I have wanted and not had. I don't want to close my eyes ever concentrating on breathing and just getting through and miss out. I'm tired of being pushed along by fear, my companion for so long. I want to step proudly ahead, reaching out just because I want to and I can.